


Memory

by Beth Harker (Beth_Harker)



Category: Cats - Andrew Lloyd Webber
Genre: Gen, Originally posted on fanfiction.net in 2001, first person POV, posted with some revisions, song lyrics interspersed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 14:50:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14239638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beth_Harker/pseuds/Beth%20Harker
Summary: Multiple points of view on the last memory of the Jellicle Ball.





	Memory

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in the process of revising and uploading as many of my old fan fics as I possibly can. This was originally written in 2001. I've fixed any spelling mistakes, and tried to make the prose less purple than the original, but stylistically this story is still quite different than how I write today.

**Deuteronomy**

Again she comes— stalking out of the shadows, appearing from nowhere, like always. She has always flit about between the shadows and the light. They shun her. The respect shown to others of my generation is withheld from her. They cannot see her beauty. All they see is her waning life, the stagger in her step, the dirt on her fur, the flash of their own futures in her brazen gold eyes. It's that flash that scares them the most. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Memory, turn your face to the moonlight  
Let your memory lead you  
Open up enter in  
If you find there the meaning of what happiness is  
Then a new life can begin_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Grizabella:**

No more. I can take no more. My memories taunt me with longing for what I may never again have. The other Jellicles hate me. They fear me! To them I am a monster. 

I am no monster! 

My body is twisted. My coat is dirty. I am breaking. I am dying. I cannot die like this. I need to start again. I need a new body, a new life. I need to be bathed in moonlight. I need to enter the moonlight and be reborn. 

Deuteronomy, please help me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Memory all alone in the moonlight  
I can smile at the old days  
I was beautiful then  
I remember a time I knew what happiness was  
Let the memory live again_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

**Bombalurina**

Again she comes. Must she always come? I can't look at her. I can't look at her knarled body and tattered fur. How could she have been beautiful? How could she have been a glamour cat? I am a glamour cat. 

Would I... 

Is it possible? 

Is it possible that I will one day become as she is? Will I too be shunned? 

No. Never. I look away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Burnt out ends of smoky days  
The stale cold smell of morning  
A street lamp dies  
Another night is over  
Another day is dawning_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Mistoffelees**

I will not turn to face her. They all look away, so I do too. I don't want the new day to come. I want tonight to last forever. Finally, they see my power. Finally I am truly one of them, not some tag along kitten barely tolerated by the older toms. I am the Magical Mister Mistoffelees!

Poor Grizabella. For her this ball holds no wonder. I want to touch her. I want to at least look at her, reassure her somehow. Maybe if I touched her with my magic I could somehow heal what is broken inside of her. But I won't... I will not sacrifice my acceptance. 

But maybe I will. My hand itches, buzzes with something like electricity. I take a tentative step forwards, and then back again.

Maybe I will touch her, if only somebody else will do it first. If somebody else will touch her first, I will find the courage to touch her as well. But for now, I look away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 _Daylight I must wait for the sunrise  
I must think of a new life  
And I mustn't give in  
When the dawn comes, tonight will be a memory to  
And a new life will begin_  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Grizabella**

They won't even look at me. They won't even listen to me. Don't they realize that I would give any of them my soul for just the slightest touch? Do they not hear me pleading?

I’m dying. I'm dying dying dying….

My legs tremble under me. I can't stand. My face is on the ground. I can't breath. I can't sing. I can't plead. And they don't care. They'll just let me die like this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Sunlight through the trees in summer  
endless masquerading  
like a flower as the dawn is breaking  
the memory is fading_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Sillabub**

My song!

The melody that Grizabella sings is the melody that I have heard all my life. It's my song! We are so different. How is it that we have the same song? Suddenly her voice dies, and my heart sinks with it. 

Grizabella is on the floor. Is it over for her then? It can't be. She sings my song! I can't let her go. I must remind her of why we all live— of daylight, of flowers, of sun and warmth. Most prefer the night, but I love the day. She sings my song, so maybe she likes the day too. Our voices touch, connect, join with one another. My song is more complete than ever before! 

And she rises.

Grizabella rises!   
The melody dies in my throat. The song is hers to finish.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Grizabella**

Our voices touch, connect, join with one another. I feel an overwhelming sense of love for the kitten that shares my song. For a moment we sing together, then she falls silent. Even though I cannot here her voice any longer, she remains with me. I can get up. I can continue! Oh, I must have them touch me! The must listen to me!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Touch me  
It's so easy to leave me  
All alone with the memory  
Of my days in the sun  
If you touch me  
You'll understand what happiness is  
Look a new day has begun!_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Victoria**

I can touch her. Sillabub can sing with her, so certainly I can touch her. I get up shakily. I am so afraid. I look back, trembling. Then I cautiously take her outstretched paw. And I don't die! I always thought that if I touched I would grow old and die, but I don't. I rub my head against her, and purr. I am happy. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Grizabella**

The white kitten's touch is so soft. She's the most beautiful thing I've seen in my long life. Then she brings me to another, and his face shows the same joy as hers. Each cat smiles as they finally touch me. Then Deuteronomy puts his arm around me, guiding me, taking me away from the pain and suffering of this world. I feel so safe, so loved, so happy. And then I feel it. I can feel my body, my soul rising up, up, up! I can see the heavy side layer, beckoning me into its luminescent embrace. I am to leave them now. 

Look, a new life has begun.


End file.
